Friday, September 30, 2011

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.

Can I just first say I LOVE my husband. I am so lucky to have this guy, to call him mine oh mine!
We were married June 2, 2010 which was the best day of both of our lives. It is crazy to see know that we are getting older how nuts it is that we really got married at 16! Sometimes I don't believe it, it feels like we are already 30 haha. Regardless of our age we still have one thing that over rides everything that is.... we love. I can honestly say that I do not regret anything when it comes to James. He has made me a better person.... held my hand through rough time and has given me hope. He believes in me, he trusts me, and he loves me for me. We are not a perfect couple, we sometime argue, we sometimes don't but we do try our best everyday and we are learning together!
 Our wedding day was a day I feared would not come for a very long time. The first time I laid eyes on James I knew he was the one I wanted to marry. Yes I was only fourteen, but it didnt matter he is my soul mate and I knew it. When his skin touches mine I still get goose bumps and butterfly everytime, it doesnt matter if he hardly touches me or not I get the same feelings I got when I first met him and will get them for the rest of forever.
 I am not a people person, I hate being the center of attention, and to be up in front of people getting married.... it freaked me the heck out. I remember walking up there and just shaking, but the second he grabed my hand I was instantly calmed. He has this magic touch that I cannot even describe :D
 With him I feel like myself like I am finally at home. He is perfect in my eyes... I would not change a thing.
 If people knew what this kiss meant to us you would not be able to help yourself from screaming! We were finally US! We had waited two long years for this day to come and here it was in a second, everything that had happened in the past was history... it is our turn to make our own history.
Marraige is not an easy thing.... I will work hard on it today as will James and then tomorrow we will wake up and it wont be any easier. But as James always says could you imagine life without a challenge? There would be absolutely no point in even being here. James and I have figured this out and applied it to life where ever we go. We sometime laugh and joke because, I will say let do this or lets do that or vice versa and he will say that sounds super hard..... our response is always, "Do we ever do easy?" The truth James and I have never gone the easy route.... never. Even when we know we should have we dont. But that is why our lives are so great, we take the path less traveled we do things different but we learn together we are growing together everyday. I would not take it any other way.
 At age fifteen James and I got pregnant before we were married with a little girl. For most of our family when they read this they may be shocked and when my kids read this I am hoping they will be old enough to understand that it was not a smart decision. But James and I actually planned to have a baby at this time. James had been sent to a boys school and was not allowed to see me or anyone for that matter for 10 months. It was the hardest most saddest part of my life so far. I still have mixed up thoughts over it, but I have learned to forgive and forget. He was sent there, because we were dating and his parents did not agree with that and also they could not get along. I now realize that if I had been in a situation like his parents were I would have probably flipped out to maybe not to the extent, but I would have wanted to save my son all the same. So there we were 10 months after him being gone and we would do anything to never be seperated again. And so thats what we did we knew if we got pregnant that our parents would never keep apart that we would have this connection, and so a baby was made.
 When we found out we were still shocked even though it was planned, we were scared they were going to take us apart anyway. Instead his family was headed for a family vacation in California and I was asked to go. This was a great oppurtunity to get away from our small town and just focus on eachother and our plans. In all these pictures we are pregnant with our little girl.
 I misscarried 1 month and 1/2 into my pregnancy. This is where I learned I was not invincible, that I could and would break at one point. I has always not shown to much emotion from being hurt in the past, but this devastation brought my emotions to a whole new level. I learned things about myself that I never realized before. I truelly believe god did what he did for a reason. In my eyes he knew James and I should be together so he let things work the way they did, but he knew we were not ready for that baby. James and I have ever since dreamed about having another baby and I know that God works in amazing ways and that soon it will happen.... when we are ready for that great journey together :)
 These corn dogs were the best thing ever! We had a beach house and the walk to this little corn dog shop was less than a minute away. mmmm good.
 We felt so at peace here in California, like everything was starting to fall into place. James asked me in California to marry him. It was at sunset on the beach everything I have ever dreamed of.... it was perfect, not to mention I was engaged to an amazing guy. He is and was my rock. He held his head high and was not ashamed and he made me know that he would be the one guy who would never let me go.
 Silly:D
 I miss the beach, we have promised eachother that whenever we are pregnant we will head back to California. Somtimes I smell something that smells like the beach and I am taken back to so many memories of our little family being together. We chose to name our baby girl Kapri. I miss her everyday and just cannot wait to hold her. James doesnt show it half as much as I do, but he knows just as I do that God has a plan and that things happened the way they were meant to happen.
 We became closer not only us, but to James family as well which was much needed. There were many hard feelings between my family and his family and just us in general. Here I began to understand a little more about life, about myself. I found God in this instance and saw the miracle he gives to people everyday. James family is great example to me on just how great God is. Without him nothing would exist.
We are happy with where we are and who we are. We have made mistakes, but we have fixed them. We love eachother and work hard everyday to keep our marriage strong. With God you cannot fail.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Just Jordyn

 Congratulations! You're not perfect! It's ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody's ridiculous sometimes, except perfect people
 You know what perfect is? Perfect is not eating or drinking or talking or moving a muscle or making even the teensiest mistake. Perfect is never doing anything wrong - which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring!
 So you're not perfect! Wonderful! Have fun! Eat things that give you bad breath! Trip over your own shoelaces! Laugh! Let somebody else laugh at you!

 Perfect people never do any of those things. All they do is sit around and sip weak tea and think about how perfect they are. But they're really not one-hundred-percent perfect anyway. You should see them when they get the hiccups!

 Phooey! Who needs 'em? You can drink pickle juice and imitate gorillas and do silly dances and sing stupid songs and wear funny hats and be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person.
 Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they're a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week.
'                                                     have you ever realized that when ..
                                                         people say you’ve changed
                                                      it’s just because you’ve stopped
                                                         living your life ... their way

Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.

I have started and erased this post about a million times. I just cannot decide where I want to start. I wish I would have began writing my post way before today, but I guess I have to start somewhere. So here I am in my 1 bedroom 1 bath apartment waiting for my husband to get home from school. It seems not so long ago that the two of us were dating.... we met in middle school haha yes I said middle school and began dating in eighth grade. We got married when we were 16 yes it was a personal choice. We have now been married for a year and a half and could not be happier. People always ask did your parents agree with the two of you getting married? Of course they did not agree, but they supported us and that was all that we needed.
I am taken back to a time before I got married. Here I am sitting in a doctors office when a lady starts talking to me, she asks me how old I am and why I have a ring on my finger. I explain to her that I am getting married and her first responce is DO NOT DO IT! I was taken back with surprise that someone who had just met me and had never met my soon to be husband had such an opinion on the matter. She than explained how she had gotten married young and it had been the biggest mistake of her life. I am often reminded of this incident and everytime it seems I have a new and brighter perspective on my marriage. It does not matter to me if you are 16 or if you are 50 and choose to get married, marriage is a challenge either way. If you have the right attitude and you work hard everyday you will be succesful. Yet, if you sit back and think everything will be fine and you do not have to do anything.... haha man do you have another thing coming.
James is my husband by the way since I am sure I will be talking about him often. Like I said before we started dating in 8th grade, it pretty much goes like this..... In 6th grade I had a major crush on him, but he had a major crush on my best friend. We played recorders together (probably not your idea of romantic haha) in 7th grade he was home schooled and 8th grade he came back to school. I know you are all probably rolling your eyes, but I honestly was drawn to him no matter what I did. I felt like I just could not get away from him. Here I was in 8th grade small niave girl who was amazed by this boy. Yet, there he was a niave boy who had no idea I even existed. Through half of 8th grade he never talked to me never looked my way, didnt even give me the time of day. Then we had a weights class together and ended up being partners and he finally realized me. Through the years we have fallen in love. We have had crazy ups and down and amazing acomplishments together.
I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if I was not married at 17, if I didn't have James. Then I really think about it and I have no doubt in my heart, I know that this is exactly where I am suposto be. I am going to write this blog so people can read, but more importantly so I will not forget. I hope that one day my kids can read this and see how much I love their dad, and how much I love my life. So starting today I will write and hopefully soon I will get caught up to present day so I can write some more about this amazing journey that I am on and that is not even close to being over. Welcome to my life :D