“I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now.”

I have not wrote on my blog for far to long! But hey I am now, so that counts as something. As I said in my last post I am pregnant! Right now I am 6 in a half month along and we are expecting a little baby boy! We could not be more excited for this fun new adventure that has already brought us so much joy and happiness. Its amazing to me how such a little thing can be so real even before he is actually here. We have not fully decided on names (ok well we have, but I have this fear he will come out and his name we picked will not fit him at all) but we both LOVE the name Emmett James Baird. Now here I am going to talk all about why it fits him and la da da da da and then like I said he will come out and it will be a totally different name. But he truly already has a personality all his own! He seems to have a lot of James personality, which kind of freaks me the heck out to think I will have TWO of him!! It is rather funny how spunky he already seems to be. If I lay a way he does not like he gives me a big kick! Also, he is EXTREMELY active, but when James is at work he seems to quiet down a little, then the second James walks in the door and starts talking he goes crazy kicking all over the place! He totally knows who his daddy is and already adores him. 

Here is a picture of our sweet little boy at our 20 week appointment!! 

 This was our very first ultra sound appointment!

This picture was taken in Newport, California. We had the opportunity to go there again, and lucky for us it was when we were pregnant for the second time!! It is crazy to look back and think of the last time we went there, and although it was fun it was hard to remember the loss of our first sweet heart. My heart aches even now when I think of that miscarriage, and its one of those feeling that I do not believe will ever go away. But it was also comforting at the same time. It is unbelievable to me to think I would have a two year old at this point!! Oh how fun it would have been, but I am a true believer that things happen for a reason, and although my heart breaks for the loss we endured, I truly know our little one is in heaven looking down on us, and is very proud of the life we have made for ourselves. It is funny the lessons you learn from life when a heart breaking experience happens. I learned so much about myself, and who I wanted to be. Our little angel was the turning point in my life, and has made me the mother I will be for our little boy. I will never take this baby I am now having nor any of my other children for granted, for I know the blessing it is to have them <3

    Sweet picture of us in Newport when we were pregnant with our first little angel. 

And a picture from this last trip, pregnant with our sweetheart, Baby Emmett. 

I am so excited for this baby to be here and its given me the opportunity to really think about what kind of mother I plan to be. It is scary to think its really happening sometimes, and just like anyone else... I do have fears. For instance silly things like what will I tell my children when they ask why I wore a strapless dress for my wedding, or bigger things such as telling them about having sex before I was married. But then I realize that my children are going to have trials just like I had, they are going to make mistakes and I plan to be 100 percent honest with my kids, because I feel that I will be a good example of making a decision that was not the best and then making it better. They will see that people are not going to be perfect, but that if we strive to do better it will work out for the best. 

And now a little bit of a blast from the past.... 

This is a picture of me when I was three!! We are guessing this will be a blonde hair blue eyed little boy!

 James has always had a love for dogs. We have two German Shepherds that are absolutely beautiful and James started learning to train them at a very young age. He does a great job and works hard at it (along with everything else he does.) 

 James is the second one on the left. From the sounds of things he was quite the silly goose (and still is.) 

 This last picture is a picture of James with his youngest brother Grant. He is always so protective and even very young he always was a helper. His mom tells a story of them having to buy a smaller vacuum because James was determined to vacuum the stairs at two years old. He amazed me everyday with his determination and his willingness to work. He never stops! And I sure wish I could have half the enthusiasm he has about life. I cannot wait  to see him as a daddy and for this amazing journey that never ends! <3